Milk, eggs, madness...

You know those days where you are out and about and your little children are super well-behaved?  They are quiet and clean and they hold your hand as you walk around the store?  Yes well, today was not one of those days for me.

I don't mind going to the grocery store.  Do I love it?  No, but there are worse things (there has to be).  I didn't have much to get today, so I wasn't too worried when I loaded up the kids to brave the madness.  We headed in and Cache actually wanted to sit in the cart - awesome!  No little dude running around!  Cole is strong enough to sit up in the shopping cart without his car seat which has it's good and bad points.  Good because I don't have to haul a car seat inside and awkwardly maneuver the blasted thing into that little section - mine always seems to be the wrong size so I'm scrutinized by other shoppers as I'm shoving the thing in there with all my might.  Bad because he's wily and could easily get out of the cart if I'm taking too long making up my mind about an item.  We start in the produce section and I'm carefully planning a meal in my head to make for Cody for Father's Day.  "Corn on the cob...beans...watermelon...steaks...".  Of course my thoughts keep getting interrupted as Cole is constantly chewing on the disease-ridden metal bars on the cart and Cache picking up everything he sees (squash, peppers, zucchini...oh wait, I need zucchini - good job, son).   I then go pick out some steaks and Cole seems to think that if he could just get to the floor, he could crawl away and be free!   I keep giving Cole toys from my purse and little snacks to keep him happy and distracted while I shop.  I also have the mental test of organizing my groceries around Cache in the cart.  Cole starts yelling.   Cache decides he wants to jump ship and leave the cart.  I oblige, and to my surprise he stays pretty close to me while we finish up the list...mostly because he hangs on the side of the cart while I push.

Now, this is all very handle..a..ble.  Handleable.  That is...until we get to the check out line.  Now, I'm a fan of the self-checkout because it seems to go faster.  Cache promptly starts scanning and dropping things in the bags so fast the machine can't keep up, so someone has to keep coming over and typing in their secret code so I can continue purchasing.  Cole is being quiet...too quiet.  He is having a super time chewing on rubbery headbands that were hanging on the magazine rack.  When I take them away, he screams.  And cries.  Loud.  I'm frantically running things over the scanner and start notice little beads of sweat gathering at my forehead.  Cache is tired of waiting and throws his gum package I just bought for him on the floor.  Cole somehow found more headbands and is cutting his new teeth on them.  I finally load the bags in the cart, take the headbands away which is followed by louder screams, Cache is crying because I told him to pick up his gum, I pick up Cole to soothe him and NOW the machine wants my credit card.  "You mean I have to pay for this kind of experience?!"  I shuffle my wallet out of my purse, still sweating, prevent Cole from grabbing my card and run it through the machine and snag the receipt while it's ink is still wet as I rush out of the store.

Both boys are in their seats sobbing and I'm loading groceries at light speed.  I have a brief minute of solace as I take the cart to the cart return and the cries are muffled in the confines of my Durango.  I hop in the car, turn it on, resume "Mary Poppins" on the DVD, wipe my brow, and pull out of the parking lot.  This.  This is when my kids decide to turn into Angels and are silent like little church mice.

I forgot lightbulbs.  Perfect.